They say that love is blind, and this has proven to be true time and time again. When you are in a relationship you may find yourself so head over heels that you are blind to any signs that your partner may not be the right one, or that your relationship may not be destined to last long term.
While there is nothing wrong with dating someone for the fun in the moment, without creating plans for a future together, you both need to be upfront in this decision. Assuming you are both on the same page, great! Have fun! If you are looking for something more serious then you need to remain true to yourself and find someone that is also going to be interested in committing to you in return.
The question of whether you have found that one special person is a very unique and personal one, dependent upon our own personal situations. However, there are some indications and triggers that your relationship may not be a healthy one, or that you are not likely to remain together in the bigger picture.
Here are 6 signs that your partner may not be right for you, and it is time to move on!
You Don’t Feel Valued or Appreciated
A healthy relationship involves two parties who genuinely love, value and appreciate one another. If you find that this is coming across very one sided you should consider that a red flag. Your partner should value your opinion, even on some of the smaller decisions in life. Do you find that you always have to eat at the restaurants your partner chooses, take part in their favorite activities and spend time with the friends they want to spend time with? There should be a level of give and take, and if this isn’t happening it can leave you feeling underappreciated or forgotten about.
You Feel the Need to Constantly Explain Away the Issues
If you find that you are in a relationship in which you are constantly explaining away your partner’s issues to your friends and family – coming up with excuses for the ways in which they do you wrong, you should take that as a red flag. The people in your life are able to look at your relationship from an unbiased/outsider’s point of view. This allows them to see everything a little more clearly rather than getting caught up in the moment.
You, however, may find yourself so determined that you can ‘fix’ your partner that you are willing to excuse actions that would otherwise have been a hard ‘no.’ The occasional mistake is one thing, however, if you notice that this is a regular thing and your partner is making no effort to correct their ways, then you need to take a second look at whether or not this is the person you want to spend your life with.
There is a Lack of Respect in Your Relationship
Respect for one another is pivotal in a healthy relationship. While a lack of respect will be obvious in some cases, it is far more subtle in others so you need to know what to watch for. Not valuing your opinion and thoughts (as outlined in the first point) is definitely an example of respect missing in a relationship, but so too is emotional and/or verbal abuse and passive-aggressive behavior.
Your partner may try to control you, making comments regarding what you wear or who you spend time with in a way that degrades you into changing to conform to their wants such as telling you that a particular outfit makes you look like a slut. In this way, your partner didn’t outright insult you or call you names, but instead, they disguised it in a way that would allow them to maintain control but in an indirect manner.
Does Your Partner Give Care, or Are They Just a ‘Care – Taker’
Both parties should care deeply about their partner in a relationship, taking the time to provide compassion and consideration for the person that you have chosen to spend your life with. If you feel as though you are constantly giving without having it reciprocated this is definitely a sign that you are in a one-sided relationship. Living life as the ‘care-giver’ at all times is exhausting and draining. There will be times that you need to give to your partner, but there are also times that you can expect that your partner will give in return. Don’t settle for less than that!
You Have Different Goals and Values
While this is not always a deal breaker, there are certain life goals that you should consider when looking at the longevity of your relationship. If, for example, you have always dreamed of having children however your partner has not interested in kids you may want to take a long hard look at what sacrifices you are willing to make for this person. Sure, they may change their mind down the road, but neither of you should be put into a situation in which you feel you are pressured to change.
If a change is to happen, it should happen through personal growth and development. This also stands true for other major life decisions and core values – Are you both happy where you are living, or is one of you looking to move far away? Is either one of you open to relocating with work, and if so is that okay with both of you? What are your religious views and, on that topic, how would you raise any potential children with regards to religion? These can all be difficult conversations, but they need to happen if you are taking your relationship seriously!
Your Partner Neglects Your Desires and Needs
We all have needs and desires in life, and a healthy relationship will provide some of these for both parties. Now it is important to note that it is unfair to expect any one person to be able to provide all of our needs – there are some that we need to address ourselves, or that we may have friends or family that can help us to attain these, however there are some that should be addressed within your relationship. One example is the area of your sexual needs.
Your sexual relationship with your partner should satisfy both of you, not just focus on the satisfaction of one partner. If you find that you are always focused on what your partner needs out of the experience, but they are never returning the favor, then your needs are being neglected.