Relationships are no easy endeavor. Anyone who has been involved in a serious relationship will agree that you don’t want to be playing any games with your heart.
It seems as time goes on relationships are getting increasingly more difficult. As if relationships were an easy thing, to begin with. No, they may have never been easy, but they were more meaningful. In the modern day society we have materialized love and relationships so much so that it has become a societal standard to have a significant other. People are dating for the companionship, sex, and image – not for the true core of a real relationship; the merging of two souls. There’s nothing like it, but not all relationships work out. In fact, science says that it comes down to three basic traits or factors.
Helen Fisher, Biological Anthropologist, has studied the brain, love, relationships are the intermingling of each in-between for many years. According to her, it all comes down to activating the dopamine releases in the brain. When in love there are three ways to do that. Dopamine is the feel-good neuro-chemical that is released when something good happens to us. It’s that spark of joy in your stomach, or perhaps the butterflies in your stomach.
As we become more attached to someone, our dopamine releases become stronger and of a higher intensity. They call up feelings over time which maintains the bond between the two people! It’s really interesting to look at love in terms of chemistry. It’s actually rather comforting. According to Helen Fisher, lasting love comes down to three things.
- The couples ability to feel empathy for one another.
- Each person’s ability to control their own emotions and feelings during a time of great stress.
- The introduction of positive illusions. Positive illusions, according to Fisher, means you have the simple ability to overlook what you don’t like about someone to see the good in them. Focus on what you do like instead.
Her research on relationships is extremely positive because it levels out the responsibility on both partners. You can learn more about her theory in the Ted Talk she presented below!