Narcissistic people have a true talent for keeping their victims hooked. Even if you understand that you are being abused, you may continue to stick around, because they are experts of manipulation.
Sadly, while many of us continue to stay stuck in their tangled webs, we remain unable to free ourselves. However, there are a variety of tactics used by such poisonous people that if recognized provide us with an opportunity to escape. Here are a few examples:
1. They Idealize and Worship You Until It’s No Longer Necessary
If you are entangled with a narcissist, it’s likely that in the beginning, they treated you as if you were a God/Goddess. Somehow, for once, you feel like the most important person in the entire world, because they act like you are. They will explain how they couldn’t live without you, and flatter you constantly. The word soulmate gets brought up quite frequently in this stage of the relationship. Also, they will act as though the two of you have everything in common. Many have referred to this as “love-bombing”, or the phase in which the narcissist catches you on their hook before reeling you in.
Then, once they feel they have you trapped, everything changes. Suddenly, everything you do is a personal attack on them, and they will begin to turn everything you do into a tragedy. They will begin to criticize everything you do and turn a cold shoulder to you. However, they may intermittently show you affection and value you once more. This is so they can make you feel as though you are the bad one, and they are your victim.
2. Gaslighting: the Ultimate Mind Game
Gaslighting is a title given to a technique used by narcissists to make you feel as though you aren’t abused, but instead, you are crazy. When they have abused you, they will explain that you are to blame because you are too sensitive, or have issues. They may even try to tell you that you are exaggerating, or imagining the abuse. This is a head game used to make you feel as though you are crazy, instead of understanding the abuse for what it is. If you are constantly questioning the way you see reality all of a sudden and feel as though you are being abused it’s time to leave.
The narcissist will manufacture a love triangle by introducing another person into the relationship. This person may be a mistress/mister, an ex, a relative, stranger or friend. They will then use this person to induce jealousy in your mind and make you worry about you standing point in the relationship. They may even use the person to create drama between the three of you.
For example, if it is an ex, they will tell you how the other person still wants them, or things the other person has said to them. If you express jealousy or concern, the narcissist will treat your thoughts as if they were completely invalid. This is a red alert and a major sign to move on.
4. Playing the Victim
After doing something completely horrible, the narcissist will act as though it’s your fault. They may even give you a story of how they have been broken and abused to excuse their actions. As they are doing this, a variety of lies will be thrown into the mix to verify their ‘victim’ standing. 5. Please Don’t Leave Me, I Can’t Live Without You
If all else fails, the narcissist will most likely have this trick up their sleeve: they will beg you not to leave them, as they explain how they can’t live without you. Phrases like, “You are my world!”
“Please don’t leave me, everyone else does.”
“I will kill myself if you leave!”
“You’re my only reason for living anymore!”
“You’re the only good thing left in my life, please don’t take that away from me!”
If you hear those phrases in conjunction or following an abusive act…..LEAVE NOW!