You left me with no warning, you were the one person who mattered most and you broke me. Because of you I no longer hold my head up high.
Because of you, I am afraid that the next good thing that comes into my life will tear me apart as well. It has been years since I last saw you, but I can still see your face as if it were etched into my eyelids every time I close them. My entire body hurts from shame, I can’t tell you what our last conversation was like but I can still hear your voice.
Time has worked wonders on my insides and is healing me. I don’t want to care about you. I don’t want to wonder how you are, where you are if you think of me. But I do, I remember the anger I felt towards you for so long, I should not have trusted someone who was so damn perfect.
You were the best thing and the worst thing that ever happened to me. At first, you lifted me up and then you tore me down. You made sure I was broken before you left and you stomped me till I died under your feet.
You killed me.
You murdered the person I used to be. I was once so strong and trusting. Now I am weak and nothing. I was fearless and you became a nightmare in this world of misery. I want to love the way that the girl I once was did. I want to let people in and live like every day that passes is the greatest gift given. I want to be free.
Free from these chains of misery you have bound me with.
I have tried to find her, to save any shred of her that might be hiding inside of me but I cannot. She will not be coming back, not anytime soon. I still have lots of healing to do. I sit here afraid to be with anyone but you because; what if they do what you did. What if I get hurt again?
You are the plague that I cannot escape from. You are regret and I cannot deal with it. I cannot escape these heavy thoughts. They weigh me down, when I met you I was not afraid of anything. I was ready to take on the world.
When you were done with me you lit my life on fire and burned my happy home to the ground. I cannot look at this place without wondering if you miss waking up beside me if you remember when I made you breakfast in bed when you stayed home from work after getting sick from the rain if you miss me the way that I miss you.
I will never love anyone the way that I love you, I will be cautious, I will be cold, it will take time. The girl I once was embraced love with open arms and she didn’t care about the burn.
But oh boy did she have a lesson to learn. I am charred and broken, now I care about the burn.